One of the most common misconceptions I see in athletes is the idea that if you don’t get mad when you make a mistake, it must mean you don’t care.
But that mindset, while seemingly well-intentioned, can actually hurt your performance and confidence.
Let’s dive into this idea, break it down, and help you develop a more productive way to handle mistakes.
A Story From a Coaching Call
I was recently on a call with a tennis player I work with, and we started talking about how he reacts when he loses a point or hits a bad shot. He told me that two years ago, he was actually much better at moving on from mistakes.
He would laugh them off and reset quickly.
But then something changed.
He overheard two coaches talking after one of his practices. They saw him laugh after a mistake and said something like, “If he’s laughing like that, I don’t think he really cares.”
He internalized that comment. And what happened next is something I see way too often.
After hearing those coaches, this athlete began to intentionally get upset after mistakes. He wanted to prove to his coaches that he cared. He believed that by showing frustration, he’d communicate that the mistakes weren’t okay with him.
And sure—he cared. Deeply. That’s why he trained so hard and pushed himself.
But here’s the problem: By showing frustration, he was holding onto the mistakes, internalizing them, and letting them affect his mindset. As a result:
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He struggled to let go of mistakes
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His confidence dropped
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He played with more tension and fear
Trying to show he cared by getting mad ended up hurting his game.
What Do You Really Care About?
It’s important to care about your performance. That’s a good thing. But you have to ask yourself:
Do I care more about showing others that I’m upset—or about actually playing well moving forward?
Because here’s the truth:
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Mistakes are going to happen.
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You don’t need to be happy about them.
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But getting upset over them won’t make them go away.
The mistake already happened. It’s in the past. No amount of anger can undo it. The only thing you can control now is how you play from this moment forward.
But Doesn’t Being Upset Help Me Play Better?
For a small percentage of athletes, getting mad might actually boost performance. If you’re one of those rare athletes who thrives off of anger and frustration, great—lean into that.
But for most athletes, getting upset leads to:
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More mistakes
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More self-judgment
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Increased fear of failure
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Less confidence
If you truly care about how you perform, then the best response to a mistake is to move on quickly.
Reframe Mistakes: Laugh and Reset
That tennis player I mentioned, I challenged him to start laughing off mistakes again.
Why?
Because that’s what helped him let go and play freely. Who cares if a coach thinks he’s not taking it seriously? If he plays better afterward, they’ll see the results.
So, here’s your challenge:
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Let go of trying to prove you care by getting upset.
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Care by staying focused on what’s next.
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Reset. Refocus. Move on.
Your effort should go toward minimizing the chance of the next mistake—not obsessing over the one that already happened.
Final Thoughts
Caring doesn’t mean getting mad. It means committing to growth, staying present, and giving your best moving forward. If you want to stop underperforming because of frustration, anxiety, or fear of failure, it starts with this mindset shift.
Do you care more about proving your frustration—or actually performing at your best?
If you’d like help mastering this mindset, I offer a 12-week 1-on-1 mental performance coaching program.
I’ve also created two online courses:
And if you’re more of a reader, check out my books:
Thank you for reading and I wish you the best of success in all that you do.
