Resetting Expectations: The Key to Staying Composed and Playing Your Best

What kind of expectations do you set going into games?

Managing and resetting expectations is one of the main things I talk to athletes about, because it helps with so many different areas of your mental game.

Let’s take managing composure for example. If you’re wanting to handle frustration better or manage mistakes better when you play, you need to make sure you have the correct expectations set going into the game.

How Unrealistic Expectations Create Frustration

Let’s say you go into a game and one of your expectations is that you want to make no mistakes. This is a very common expectation that athletes have—even if it’s not one they consciously set, it’s often lingering in the back of their mind.

But if you’re thinking, or even saying, that your goal is to not make any mistakes, then as soon as you do make a mistake, that expectation has not been met. What happens next?

• You get frustrated.
• You lose your composure.
• You become distracted.

Another example is officiating.

If you go into the game expecting good or fair calls, and then there’s a bad call, it becomes harder to move on from it. These types of expectations can lead to frustration and negatively impact your focus.

How Expectations Affect Anxiety and Fear

Unrealistic expectations don’t just hurt your composure—they can also increase anxiety and fear.

Let’s go back to that common expectation: no mistakes.

Is it more likely that expecting zero mistakes will help you play freely and relaxed, or will it cause you to go into the game tense, scared to mess up, and overthinking every move?

These kinds of expectations—no mistakes, perfect calls, flawless performance—are distractions.

They pull you out of the moment and into your head. They increase anxiety, fuel fear, and create pressure that makes it even harder to play well.

You Play Well By Being Present, Not By Expecting Perfection

Here’s the key difference you need to understand: You don’t play well because you expect to play well. You play well because you’re focused in the moment and doing the little things that help you perform at your best.

Let go of all the outcome-based expectations and instead focus on what helps you stay present.

So What Expectations Should You Set?

Now, that doesn’t mean we say, “I don’t care what happens.” That’s not realistic, especially if you’re working hard and want to succeed.

But it also doesn’t mean you just lower your expectations either. You don’t want to say, “Well, I guess I’ll allow myself four mistakes today.” That’s not the answer.

What we want to do is shift from outcome-based expectations to process-based expectations.

The Power of Process-Based Expectations

When I’m working with athletes—whether in one-on-one coaching or inside the Confident Competitor Academy—we always take a look at:

• What expectations are you currently setting for yourself?
• Are they outcome-based or process-based?
• Can we reframe them into something more helpful?

Let’s say your current expectation is: “I expect myself to make no mistakes.”

We can reframe that into something controllable like:

• “I expect myself to stay fully focused in the present moment.”
• “I expect myself to bounce back quickly after mistakes.”
• “I expect myself to keep a confident attitude no matter what.”

These are standards. These are within your control.

Set Standards, Not Just Hopes

Hoping to play well is not a bad thing—but it’s not helpful to rely on hope alone.

What’s more helpful is giving yourself clear standards to live up to. And when those standards are based on things you can control—like focus, effort, composure, and attitude—you give yourself a better chance to play well more consistently.

Final Thoughts

Control is one of the most important parts of having a strong mental game. When you focus on what’s in your control, and set your expectations around that, you reduce fear, lower anxiety, and play with more freedom.

So ask yourself:

• Can I control my effort? Yes.
• Can I control my focus? Absolutely.
• Can I control how I respond to mistakes? Definitely.

Those are the expectations you want to bring into games.

Set the right expectations, and you’ll give yourself the best shot at performing your best—more consistently, more confidently, and with less stress.