Do you play not to lose… or do you play to win?
There’s a huge difference between those two mindsets.
When athletes go into games playing to win, they play aggressively. They compete with confidence and put themselves in a great position to dominate the competition.
But when they play not to lose? That’s when they start playing it safe. Holding themselves back. Playing timidly.
So, why do so many athletes adopt this “don’t lose” mentality?
Where the “Don’t Lose” Mentality Comes From
In all honesty, this is one of the most common mindsets I see in the athletes I work with—especially those dealing with performance anxiety or fear of failure.
Why?
Because they’re focused on the result. But more specifically, they’re focused on the result they don’t want to happen. They’re thinking, “I don’t want to lose.”
I was talking with an athlete this morning about his recent matches, and we were breaking down the two different mindsets he has depending on the opponent.
Two Mindsets, One Player
When he’s facing someone he feels like he should beat—a lower-ranked opponent—he feels pressure. He thinks:
-
“I can’t lose.”
-
“Don’t mess this up.”
-
“This is a great opportunity for me to get a win.”
But he’s not actually focusing on winning. He’s focused on not losing.
Now, when he faces someone who’s ranked higher than him, he adopts a different mindset. He thinks:
-
“It’s okay to lose.”
-
“I’m supposed to lose against this player.”
And guess what happens?
He starts playing better. He takes control of points, plays more aggressively, and actually gives himself a better chance to win.
But here’s the kicker…
If the match becomes close and he starts believing he can actually win, the fear creeps back in. He switches back to the “don’t lose” mindset, plays tense, gets stressed—and ends up losing.
How to Switch to a Play-to-Win Mentality
So how do you stop playing not to lose and start playing to win?
Get Clear on What “Playing to Win” Looks Like
That same athlete told me when he’s playing to win, he takes control of the point. He attacks certain areas of the court. He plays on his terms.
Based on your sport, you want to clearly define what it looks like when you’re playing to win versus playing not to lose.
-
Are you aggressive or passive?
-
Are you taking risks or playing it safe?
-
Are you focused or fearful?
Without that clarity, it’s hard to change.
Take Control of Your Self-Talk
This is the big one.
When the athlete was going into matches against weaker opponents, his self-talk sounded like this:
-
“I should win.”
-
“Don’t mess up.”
-
“Don’t screw up this opportunity.”
That’s all focused on the result—and more specifically, the result he wants to avoid.
If you want to play to win, you must take control of your thoughts.
Your attitude going into the game is largely shaped by the way you talk to yourself. So what’s your self-talk like?
If you want to play to win, tell yourself things like:
-
“I’m going to go out here and play aggressively.”
-
“I’ve got this.”
-
“I’m going to dominate today.”
-
“Give it 100% and enjoy the moment.”
This kind of thinking supports a winning mentality. But if your self-talk is rooted in fear, self-doubt, and “don’t mess up” language, you’ll fall back into playing not to lose.
Final Thoughts
If you want to play consistently well, you have to play to win.
Whether it’s a single point in tennis, a pitch in baseball, or a possession in basketball, you have to play to win every moment.
That starts with:
-
Knowing what playing to win looks like for you.
-
Adjusting your self-talk to support that mentality.
Don’t just hope you win. Don’t play scared to lose.
Own your mindset. Play aggressively. And compete like the athlete you know you can be.
If you’re interested in one-on-one coaching click here to schedule a free introductory coaching call.
I’ve also created two online courses:
And if you’re more of a reader, check out my books:
Thank you for reading and I wish you the best of success in all that you do.
