Many athletes say they want to win. But the real question is, how are you actually playing during competition?
In this article, I’m going to break down:
-
What it means to play not to lose.
-
Why playing not to lose hurts athletic performance.
-
How fear of losing creates timid, hesitant play.
-
Four mental performance tips to help you play aggressively and play to win.
What Does It Mean to Play Not to Lose in Sports?
Playing not to lose means that, when you compete, your attention is focused on avoiding mistakes rather than making plays.
When an athlete plays not to lose, their thoughts often sound like:
-
I don’t want to mess up.
-
I don’t want to lose.
-
I don’t want to underperform.
An example of this comes from a wrestler I recently worked with who went into matches thinking:
-
I can’t lose.
-
I hope I don’t lose.
-
What if this goes badly?
-
What are people going to think of me if I lose?
All of his attention was on not wanting to lose, not on how he wanted to wrestle.
At first, this mindset sounds logical. Of course, you don’t want to lose.
But this mentality creates a problem.
Why Does Playing Not to Lose Hurt Athletic Performance?
When an athlete thinks I don’t want to lose, the brain interprets that as I need to keep myself safe.
For this wrestler, playing not to lose led to:
-
Less decisiveness
-
Slower reactions
-
Reduced aggression
He told me directly that he felt like a much stronger wrestler when he competed with an aggressive mentality.
That makes complete sense.
Playing not to lose puts an athlete on the defensive.
Defensive play leads to timid behavior.
In combat sports like wrestling, the connection is very clear:
-
Playing not to lose leads to timid wrestling.
-
Playing to win leads to aggressive wrestling.
How Does Playing Not to Lose Show Up in Team Sports?
In team sports like baseball, soccer, softball, tennis, lacrosse, football, and basketball, the connection is not always as obvious.
An athlete might think:
-
If I play not to lose, I’ll minimize mistakes. If I minimize mistakes, I’ll help my team win.
But the issue is not intention. The issue is behavior.
When not losing becomes your main mentality:
-
Your mindset becomes defensive.
-
Your body tightens.
-
You hesitate more.
-
You play it safe.
That scared mindset always leads to underperforming.
Playing not to lose shows up as:
-
Timid decisions
-
Hesitation
-
Safe play
-
Holding yourself back
In other words, you are not positioning yourself to succeed.
Why Playing Not to Lose Is the Real Worst Case Scenario
A lot of athletes believe losing is the worst thing that can happen.
But when you play not to lose, what you are really doing is trying to stay neutral.
You avoided embarrassment.
You stayed safe.
That does not mean you played well.
To play to win, your mindset has to shift from avoiding loss to actively positioning yourself for success.
Tip One: Why You Must Stop Seeing Losing as the Worst-Case Scenario
Playing not to lose views losing as the worst possible outcome.
To play to win, you have to stop seeing losing as the worst-case scenario.
This does not mean you want to lose. It means you understand that how you play matters more than the outcome.
When you play not to lose:
-
Your actions are more timid
-
You move slower
-
You play safer
-
You second-guess yourself
When you play to win:
-
You give more effort
-
You play with intent
-
You compete aggressively
Playing not to lose is actually the worst-case scenario because it prevents you from reaching your potential.
A Personal Example of Playing Not to Lose
When I played baseball in high school, college, and after college, I played not to lose.
In the field:
-
I found myself hoping the ball was not hit to me.
-
I was focused on avoiding errors.
At the plate:
-
I was thinking I just can’t strike out.
I was always on the defensive. I was rarely trying to make something happen.
My attention was on what might go wrong instead of how I wanted to play.
Why Playing Safe Prevents Athletes From Reaching Their Potential
When losing feels like the worst possible outcome, you naturally try to protect yourself.
But protecting yourself does not position you to succeed.
Playing your best requires accepting that:
-
Mistakes will happen.
-
Bad games will happen.
-
Losses will happen.
The most important thing is that game in and game out, you are playing in a way that truly positions you to be successful.
Holding yourself back, playing timidly, and playing scared is far worse than making mistakes or losing.
Tip Two: Focus on How You Respond to Mistakes
If you want to stop playing not to lose, you must learn how to respond to mistakes well.
During games:
-
See mistakes as learning experiences.
-
Move past them as quickly as possible.
After games:
-
Do not criticize yourself for mistakes.
-
Learn from them.
When you judge yourself based on mistakes, you reinforce the belief that mistakes are dangerous.
That belief keeps you playing not to lose.
Responding well to mistakes allows you to stay aggressive and confident.
Tip Three: Judge Performance Based on Effort
To play to win, you need to judge games based on effort.
If you lose but know you:
-
Gave full effort
-
Played aggressively
-
Did not hold yourself back
You reinforce the belief that how you play matters most.
This is not selfish. It is the most selfless approach.
The only way an individual athlete can influence whether a team wins is by:
-
Giving full effort
-
Playing aggressively
-
Competing without fear
Tip Four: Become More Aware of Your Fears
You must become aware of fear when it shows up.
Before games, ask yourself:
-
Am I playing not to lose, or am I playing to win today?
Awareness brings fear to the surface.
Once fear is conscious, it no longer controls you.
When you notice fear:
-
Remind yourself that effort matters.
-
Remind yourself to play aggressively.
-
Trust that you can move on from mistakes.
Mistakes will happen.
Losses will happen.
As long as you are giving full effort and playing aggressively, you are positioning yourself for long-term success.
Final Thoughts: Playing to Win is About How You Compete
You will never reach your full potential if you are always playing not to lose.
Whether you compete in an individual sport or a team sport, playing not to lose leads to:
-
Safe play
-
Scared decisions
-
Holding yourself back
Mistakes are part of sport. Losses are part of sport.
What matters most is that you:
-
Play aggressively
-
Give full effort
-
Trust yourself under pressure
If you’re interested in learning more about my one-on-one mental coaching program, click here to schedule a free introductory coaching call, or fill out the form below.
I’ve also created two online mental training courses for athletes:
And if you’re more of a reader, check out my books:
Thank you for reading and I wish you the best of success in all that you do.
