When you play, do you have a lot of fear about disappointing your parents, coaches, teammates, or anyone else? Do you find that this fear causes you to second-guess yourself, play timid, and maybe even hesitate during games?
In this article, we’re going to go over why this fear happens, and most importantly, a strategy you can use as an athlete to manage this fear of disappointment during games.
Why the Fear of Disappointment Happens
Hey there, I’m Eli Straw, a mental performance coach who works with athletes from around the world on building a stronger mental game.
The fear of disappointment happens because there are all these different people in your life who you want to impress as an athlete.
Coaches
Let’s take the example of a coach. Wanting the approval of your coach makes a lot of sense, especially because your coach is the one who decides playing time. Your coach may also be the one who could help you get to the next level.
So, we have this built-in need to impress coaches.
A lot of times this will happen when we’re starting a new team or at the beginning of the season. Maybe you’ve played for the team the year before, and so going into the next season you really want to impress the coach and show them that you’ve put a lot of work in during the offseason to give yourself a great chance of starting or at least getting a decent amount of playing time.
Parents
The same thing can be true for parents. Parents put so much work, time, and money into helping us develop and get to where we want to be that it’s natural to want to impress them and not disappoint them with our play.
How Fear of Disappointment Hurts Athletes
The unfortunate part of this fear is that it often backfires.
A lot of times the fear of disappointment actually causes athletes to end up disappointing the very people they’re afraid of disappointing.
Now, I don’t mean that to say you have to play perfectly in order not to disappoint people. But when we’re afraid of disappointing others, we play scared. We doubt ourselves, criticize ourselves, and underperform.
Because of this fear, you hold yourself back, and you don’t play up to your potential. That’s really where this fear of disappointment becomes negative during games.
Three Tips to Overcome Fear of Disappointment
These are three tips I’ve seen success with in my one-on-one mental coaching.
1. Reframe the Fear
When you’re worried about disappointing others, you’re working from an avoidance mindset. You want to avoid mistakes because mistakes feel like disappointment.
For example, I’m currently working with a young hockey player who struggles with disappointing his dad. His dad’s disappointment is usually focused on lack of effort. During games, though, his fear of disappointing his dad translates into him being afraid of making mistakes.
As a result, he holds himself back, and that leads to lack of effort.
The core issue is the avoidance mindset. This is true whether it’s fear of disappointment or general fear of failure. We focus so much on avoiding the negative that we play it safe. But safe in this case means hesitant, overthinking, and holding ourselves back.
The reframe is this: it’s not about avoiding mistakes to avoid disappointment, it’s about playing up to your potential.
That doesn’t mean you start seeking approval and validation—that can be just as damaging. Instead, ask yourself: What’s the real way to avoid disappointment? The answer isn’t playing scared. It’s going out there with clear, controllable goals.
I call these “want to goals”:
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I want to give full effort.
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I want to have a positive attitude.
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I want to call for the ball.
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I want to be aggressive and chase down every ball near me.
When you shift to want-to goals, you break free from avoidance and start focusing on controllable actions that help you perform.
2. Build Internal Confidence
When you’re scared of making mistakes, it shows a lack of trust in yourself. You don’t believe you can take your practice skills and perform in games.
That’s why building true confidence is essential. When you trust yourself, you play aggressively, freely, and confidently.
Ways to build internal confidence:
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Self-talk: Reframe negative thoughts into helpful, positive ones throughout the week.
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Visualization: Mentally rehearse success before games to give yourself a memory of success to lean on.
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Controllable goals: Keep setting and achieving process-based goals. Each success builds more trust in yourself.
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For example:
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“I want to give 100% effort.”
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“I want to call for the ball.”
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By consistently achieving these, you create evidence that you can rely on yourself. That trust is the foundation of confidence.
3. Use Game-Time Strategies
Even with reframing and confidence building, fear doesn’t go away overnight. Mental training takes time. That’s why you need game-time strategies.
The best strategy is to stay present. Fear and disappointment live in future thoughts—“What if I mess up? What if I let them down?”
Tools you can use in games:
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Breathing: Calm your nerves, refocus, and recenter in the moment.
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Self-talk cues: Use reminders like let it go, be present, focus on this play.
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In-game visualization: Between plays or breaks, imagine yourself succeeding. Baseball players can visualize between at-bats, basketball players on the bench, tennis players between games.
This keeps your mind focused on success rather than mistakes, helping you re-enter a flow state where your skills take over.
Final Thoughts
When you’re struggling with fear of disappointment:
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Reframe the fear into want-to goals.
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Build confidence by trusting yourself through preparation and controllable goals.
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Use game-time strategies like breathing, self-talk, and visualization to stay present.
By applying these steps, you’ll give yourself the best chance to play freely, naturally, and confidently—without holding back out of fear.
If you’re interested in my one-on-one coaching program to help you work through this fear—or any other mental challenge you’re experiencing—click here to schedule a free introductory coaching call.
I’ve also created two online courses:
And if you’re more of a reader, check out my books:
Thank you for reading and I wish you the best of success in all that you do.
