How Encouraging Yourself Boosts Confidence & Performance

Is it easier for you to encourage your teammates than it is to encourage yourself?

I was talking to a tennis player earlier this morning who brought this up. He was explaining the difference between how he performs in doubles matches compared to singles matches.

He said he plays better in doubles when he’s paired with an encouraging teammate. But when he plays alone—or with a more critical partner—his performance drops.

This makes a lot of sense.

When you’re playing with an encouraging teammate, they offer positive feedback and help you move on from mistakes quicker. That reassurance builds confidence. It gives you the courage to take risks and play more freely.

So I started asking him some questions.

One of the first was, “Do you encourage yourself the same way your teammate encourages you?”

Naturally, he said no. And truthfully, very few of us do.

It’s so much easier to receive encouragement from others—whether that’s a teammate, coach, or parent—than it is to give it to ourselves. Most of the time, we’re our own harshest critic.

When Do You Play Your Best?

In my work, I’m not focused on what kind of mindset an athlete should have. I’m focused on what’s happening when they’re playing at their absolute best.

And for this athlete, he plays his best when he has someone encouraging him. That’s because encouragement builds self-belief. It strengthens your mental game in real time.

Now here’s the key takeaway: if encouragement helps you play your best, you need to learn how to give it to yourself.

High-Level Confidence Comes from Within

It might sound cheesy, but high-level confidence comes from being able to encourage yourself.

You need to be your own supporter, especially when things aren’t going your way.

Encouragement helps you:

• Build belief

• Move past mistakes

• Regain focus

• Maintain consistency

There’s no way you can beat yourself up, criticize every little error, and expect to play at a high level. That’s not how confidence works.

This tennis player admitted that when he tries to encourage himself, it doesn’t feel as believable. And that’s common. When someone else says something like, “You’ve got this,” it’s easier to accept than when we say it to ourselves.

But that’s okay.

The first step is simply recognizing the pattern. Recognize that it’s not a coincidence that you feel better when others encourage you. That kind of support works. So now it’s time to learn how to give it to yourself.

What Is Encouragement, Really?

You might hear the term “positive self-talk” or “motivational self-talk.” But I like to think of it as encouragement—because that’s exactly what it is.

You’re encouraging yourself to:

• Move past the last mistake

• Stay focused on the present moment

• Play the next point with confidence

• Keep your head up when things aren’t going well

And let’s be honest—encouragement is what you’d give a teammate, right?

So why not give it to yourself?

“If I Don’t Get Upset, Do I Still Care?”

This is something we touched on in our conversation and I’ll be diving deeper into it in an upcoming episode. But briefly—this athlete mentioned that one reason he doesn’t encourage himself is because he feels like if he doesn’t get upset after a mistake, it means he doesn’t care.

That mindset is common. But it’s misguided.

Encouraging yourself isn’t a sign you don’t care. It’s actually a sign you do care—because you’re focused on putting yourself in the best position to succeed.

Caring about your performance means doing what it takes to play your best. And beating yourself up does the opposite.

A Simple Exercise: Turning Encouragement Inward

So, how do you begin encouraging yourself the same way your teammates do?

Here’s a simple exercise we did on the coaching call that you can try:

1. Identify your common negative thoughts.
   What do you usually say to yourself after a mistake?

2. Think about what your teammates, coaches, or parents say to you.
   What kind of encouraging feedback do they give?

3. Write those statements down.
   These are now your self-encouragement scripts—the language you’ll start using with yourself.

4. Practice saying them—out loud or in your head.
   For some athletes, like this tennis player, speaking out loud helps. In doubles, when his teammate is encouraging, he ends up encouraging them right back—and that lifts both players. Try speaking to yourself the way you’d speak to your teammate.

The way you think and talk to yourself is critical to your performance. If you were playing with a negative teammate, you’d notice how much it hurt your game. So start being the positive teammate to yourself.

Final Thoughts

Encouragement builds confidence. It helps you recover from mistakes. And it gives you the mindset needed to perform consistently.

So ask yourself: if encouragement helps me feel better and play better, how can I start giving it to myself?

You don’t need to wait for someone else to lift you up.

You’ve got that power already.

If you’d like to work together one-on-one to build your confidence and mental skills, I offer a 12-week coaching program designed specifically for athletes.

I’ve also created two online courses:

• The Confident Competitor Academy
• The Mentally Tough Kid

And if you’re more of a reader, check out my books:

• Mind Games
• Athlete Mental Training

Thank you for reading and I wish you the best of success in all that you do.