What’s the difference between feeling nervous and playing nervous?
This is an idea that came up during a coaching call yesterday, which is why I wanted to make an article about it.
I was talking to a young soccer player who is beginning to go through trials with a new team. It’s a higher-level team, and they have a lot of different players trying out right now. Over the course of the next 10 weeks, they’re going to start cutting that team down to their final count for players.
When he and I were talking yesterday, we’d already worked through a lot of different ideas. So I asked him, “What’s the most important thing for the trial tomorrow?”
He said the most important thing for him is playing with confidence and showing that he isn’t scared.
He’s played with a lot of anxiety and fear in the past, and this time he wants to play with confidence. He wants to play aggressively and not appear scared—or at least not play scared.
Then, when I asked him, “What’s going to cause you to not play that way?” he said: feeling nervous.
This led us into the conversation of feeling nervous versus playing nervous.
Feeling Nervous vs. Playing Nervous
When I say feeling nervous, I mean pregame jitters—that nervous feeling in your stomach. The sensation that makes you say, “I’m nervous.”
Playing nervous, on the other hand, is allowing that feeling to control your performance. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll make more mistakes, but it does mean you’ll play scared.
For this soccer player, that looks like:
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Passing the ball away quickly
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Not holding on to the ball
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Avoiding aggressive 1v1s
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Not taking shots
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Playing safe to avoid mistakes
This is something I see a lot among athletes. They feel nervous, and as a result, they end up playing safe, holding themselves back, and playing scared.
But here’s the truth: just because we feel nervous doesn’t mean we have to play nervous.
Why We Default to Playing Nervous
More often than not, if we’re not conscious of it, our actions mirror how we feel.
When I’m nervous, my natural instinct is to keep myself safe, hold back, and hesitate. Being aggressive feels like the opposite of being nervous—it requires confidence, and it opens you up to risks.
But ironically, when we play scared and hold ourselves back, that’s when we tend to make more mistakes.
For this soccer player, playing safe not only leads to mistakes, but in a trial setting, it’s the worst thing coaches can see. Coaches want players who are confident enough to be aggressive, take risks, make mistakes, bounce back, and keep playing with confidence.
How to Separate Feeling Nervous From Playing Nervous
So how do you create that separation? How can you feel nervous but not play nervous?
I believe the best way is a combination of two things:
1. Acceptance
If you’ve watched my videos or listened to my episodes on performance anxiety, you know I always talk about acceptance.
When we feel nervous in the moment, we can’t control that feeling—it’s already there. And the more we resist it, the stronger it becomes. We get anxious about feeling anxious.
Instead, accept it. Accept the fact that you feel nervous. That doesn’t mean you’re saying, “This will ruin my play.” It just means, “I feel this way, and that’s okay.”
This helps you build the belief: I can feel nervous but still not play nervous.
2. Focus on Controllable Actions
Once you’ve accepted the nerves, shift your attention to controllable actions that, to you, represent confidence.
For the soccer player, that meant being aggressive, holding onto the ball a little more, and not passing it off immediately.
Those are controllable actions. If he does them, he’s playing with confidence, even if he still feels nervous.
Putting It Into Practice
Nervousness is normal. Pregame jitters are natural—especially in big games or big moments.
But it’s not the nerves themselves that cause us to underperform. It’s when nervousness changes our behavior and makes us play scared.
By separating the feeling from the action, you give yourself freedom:
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Accept the nervousness.
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Then, focus on controllable goals that mean confidence to you.
You don’t have to feel confident to play with confidence. If playing confident means being aggressive, then act aggressive—even while feeling nervous. More often than not, that will create good results, build confidence, and make the nerves fade.
Final Thoughts
So, the key takeaway: feeling nervous and playing nervous are not the same thing.
If you’ve been letting your nerves dictate how you play, start practicing this separation. Accept the feelings, then choose controllable actions that help you perform with confidence.
And if you want help building these skills, I offer one-on-one coaching that can help.
Thank you for reading, and I wish you the best of success in all that you do!
