Does your child get really nervous before games?
And then, as soon as the game starts, you can see it—they’re tight, tense, and just not performing relaxed and freely like they do in practice.
You’ve seen them play without hesitation when it’s just you and them, or when they’re practicing with their team. But in games, it’s different.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many parents come to me saying the same thing: “My child plays great in practice, but in games, they freeze up.”
In this article, I’m going to walk you through 10 detailed, practical strategies you can use right away to help your young athlete manage their nerves and perform their best when it matters most.
Why Young Athletes Get Nervous
The main reason young athletes get nervous is because they put too much importance on the outcome of the game. This is called outcome-oriented thinking—and the more they think about results, the more nervous they get.
They might be thinking about:
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Their score or time
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Whether they’ll lose their starting position
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If they’ll disappoint you, their teammates, or their coaches
And often, these worries compound. One fear leads to another until they’re so wrapped up in “what if” thinking that they can’t focus on playing.
Example: The Nervous Swimmer
A swimmer I worked with two years ago illustrates this perfectly.
When we first started working together, he told me that as he was driving to the pool, and especially when he stepped onto the starting block, all he could think about was: “What will my time be?” More specifically: “Will I lower my time?”
Why did this matter so much to him?
Because he didn’t want all his training to go to waste.
The more he stressed about his final time, the more tense he became. And here’s what’s interesting—he said he was already worried about the race being over before it had even started.
Nerves vs. Anxiety in Sports
Every athlete feels some nerves—youth, high school, college, even professional players. But there’s a big difference between normal nerves and sports anxiety.
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Normal nerves are mostly physical—things like butterflies in the stomach, shaky legs, tight muscles, a pounding heart.
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Sports anxiety is mental—it’s the worry and fear about what might happen.
Why does this matter?
Because while nerves can sometimes help performance (they can give you a boost of energy), anxiety usually hurts performance. It causes young athletes to:
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Play timidly
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Avoid involvement
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Shy away from calling for the ball or going after plays
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Focus on not making mistakes instead of playing to win
10 Key Points to Help Manage Nerves in Young Athletes
These strategies work, but here’s my rule: don’t try to use them all at once. Pick one or two that resonate most with your athlete, and work on mastering those before adding more.
1. Help Them Become More Process-Focused
Outcome thinking fuels anxiety because the result is outside their full control. Instead, help your athlete focus on the process—what they can control in the moment.
With my swimmer client, we shifted his focus from “What’s my time?” to:
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His stroke technique during the race
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Following a consistent pre-race routine
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Keeping his thoughts positive from start to finish
The Puzzle Analogy: Imagine doing a puzzle. If you keep staring at the picture on the box, worrying if you’ll ever finish it, you won’t make much progress. But if you just focus on finding the next piece, one by one, the picture comes together naturally.
Action Tip for Parents:
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Talk with your athlete about the “pieces” of their sport that lead to success.
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Help them create 2–3 process goals they can focus on each game.
2. Reframe Nervousness as Excitement
The way an athlete labels their nerves changes how they experience them.
If they say: “I’m nervous, I hope I don’t mess up,” they increase anxiety.
If they say: “I’m excited to play,” they reframe nerves into something positive.
This simple shift changes the story they’re telling themselves and reduces the fear that nerves will ruin their performance.
Action Tip for Parents:
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If they say they feel nervous, acknowledge it, then ask: “Can we call that excitement?”
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Help them replace “I’m nervous” with “I’m ready” or “I’m excited.”
3. Use Breathing Exercises & Mindfulness
When we’re anxious, breathing becomes shallow. This fuels muscle tension and tightness.
Count Breathing Method:
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Inhale for a count of 5
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Exhale slowly for a count of 10
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Repeat for about 5 minutes (great for the car ride to games)
Mindfulness is about using breathing to stay focused in the present moment. During the game, have them pay attention to their breathing rhythm, especially in pauses (like between pitches in baseball or free throws in basketball).
Action Tip for Parents:
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Practice count breathing together before games.
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Encourage them to use breathing breaks in-game to reset focus.
4. Visualization for Confidence and Relaxation
Athletes who are nervous often imagine worst-case scenarios. Visualization helps replace those images with positive ones.
Confidence Visualization:
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Picture themselves making good plays, scoring, or executing skills perfectly.
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Recall past successes and mentally replay them.
Relaxation Visualization:
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Imagine a calming scene (beach, hanging out with friends, playing with a pet).
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Do this in the days leading up to the game, and again before warm-ups.
Action Tip for Parents:
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Guide them in closing their eyes, taking deep breaths, and imagining positive scenarios or relaxing scenes for 3–5 minutes daily before a game.
5. Develop a Pregame Routine
A routine gives athletes a sense of control over their mindset and creates familiarity in how they prepare.
Example routine:
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Count breathing for a few minutes
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Visualization for confidence
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State their process goals out loud
Action Tip for Parents:
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Help them create and stick to a pregame routine that includes mental and physical prep.
6. Use Mantras & Positive Self-Talk
Mantras are short, powerful statements that direct focus.
Examples:
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“I believe in myself.”
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“Stay focused.”
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“I’ve got this.”
Repeating mantras drowns out negative or outcome-based thoughts.
Action Tip for Parents:
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Work with your child to create 4–5 mantras.
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Have them repeat these before and during games.
7. Focus on Having Fun
This might sound simple, but it’s huge. When young athletes focus on fun, they often perform their best. Fun doesn’t mean goofing off—it means enjoying the challenge, the effort, and the game itself.
Action Tip for Parents:
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Ask before games: “What are you looking forward to today?”
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Talk about what they enjoy most about their sport.
8. Give Process-Based Positive Feedback
If the only feedback they get is about the result, they’ll put more pressure on themselves to get that result.
Instead, praise:
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Effort
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Mindset
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How they responded to mistakes
Action Tip for Parents:
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After games, lead with what they did well that was within their control.
9. Prioritize Preparation
Preparation is one of the best antidotes to anxiety.
This includes:
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Adequate sleep
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Proper nutrition
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Consistent practice
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Mental skills work
Action Tip for Parents:
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Create a “preparation checklist” together for game week.
10. Work with a Mental Performance Coach
If anxiety consistently hurts performance or enjoyment, working with a mental performance coach can help. This gives them one-on-one guidance, tools, and accountability to manage nerves long-term.
I work with many young athletes on this exact challenge. Half of my clients are youth athletes learning these tools so they can play confidently and freely.
If you’re interested in learning more about one-on-one mental performance coaching for your young athlete, click here to schedule a free introductory coaching call.
Final Thoughts
Helping young athletes manage nerves isn’t about eliminating nerves—it’s about teaching them to understand and control them. Pick a couple of strategies from this list and work on them until they become habits.
If you’d like more in-depth resources:
And if you’re more of a reader, check out my books:
Thank you for reading and I wish you the best of success in all that you do.
