If you lose your composure after mistakes—if you get really upset—this will lead to more mistakes, and a snowball effect occurs.
In this article, I’m going to discuss why loss of composure happens during games, and most importantly, a strategy you can use to manage your composure when things go wrong.
Why Loss of Composure Happens
Loss of composure occurs when we make a mistake or something happens during a game that frustrates us. We get down on ourselves, get upset, and that negative emotion then impacts our performance moving forward.
The true reason athletes lose composure or get so upset after mistakes is because of a failed expectation.
Whenever I’m working with athletes on loss of composure, we always begin by reframing expectations.
When we get upset, typically an expectation hasn’t been met. When we place these expectations on ourselves going into games, it opens the door to frustration and losing our composure.
How Expectations Cause Frustration
A common expectation athletes have is “I can’t make any mistakes.”
If you go into a game thinking you can’t make mistakes—maybe because you don’t want to get pulled by your coach, let your teammates or parents down, or hurt your stats—then when you do make a mistake, you’ve failed to meet your own expectation.
The Snowball Effect
Let’s say a baseball player strikes out early in a game. He gets frustrated, carries that anger into the field, and starts thinking about the last at-bat instead of focusing on the next play. Because his mind is elsewhere, his reaction time is slower, increasing the chance of an error.
If he makes that error, frustration builds even more, and he takes that into his next at-bat—either doubting himself or trying too hard to make up for the mistake. Either way, he’s out of his natural rhythm, and the negative spiral continues.
In swimming, it might look like getting frustrated over a slow time in one event, and then carrying that tension into the next race. That frustration keeps you from being present and calm, making it harder to perform your best.
No matter what sport you play, when you lose composure after mistakes, it hurts your performance moving forward—whether it’s the next play, at-bat, or race.
That’s why learning to manage frustration is so important.
The Strategy to Stay Composed
Managing loss of composure involves three key parts:
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Managing frustration in the moment
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Reframing expectations
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Reframing how you see mistakes
Step 1: Manage Frustration in the Moment
To reset after a mistake, you need a strategy to move on quickly and refocus. A simple way to do this is by using your thinking and breathing together.
One of my favorite breathing techniques is count breathing:
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Breathe in for four counts
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Breathe out for four counts
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Repeat this rhythm until you feel calmer
You can use this between plays, points, or pitches—whatever your sport allows.
For example, the baseball player who struck out can begin this breathing right away, continuing through the next pitch in the field. Between pitches, he can use the same breathing to stay calm and present.
Breathing helps because when you’re angry, your mind is still stuck on the past mistake. Breathing brings you back to the present moment and helps calm your body.
Along with breathing, use self-talk to coach yourself. After you breathe, tell yourself to reset and refocus, and then direct your attention to a specific, controllable objective for the next play.
This could sound like:
“Breathe. Reset. Focus on the ball.”
That combination of breathing and focus helps you stay grounded and composed.
Step 2: Reframe Your Expectations
Anger in sports often comes from unmet expectations. To fix this, reframe your expectations from uncontrollable to controllable.
For example:
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Instead of “I can’t strike out,” say, “I expect myself to put a good swing on the ball.”
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Instead of “I must win,” say, “I expect myself to compete with focus and intensity.”
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Instead of “I have to drop my time,” say, “I expect myself to swim confidently and stay relaxed.”
By focusing on controllable expectations—like effort, focus, and routines—you make it easier to stay composed when mistakes happen.
You might still strike out, but if your goal was to put together a focused at-bat and you did that, you can move on confidently.
This approach builds emotional stability and reduces the power of mistakes.
Step 3: Reframe How You View Mistakes
Finally, you have to change how you view mistakes themselves.
Stop seeing them as purely negative, and start seeing them as learning opportunities.
This mindset shift takes time, but it’s powerful.
After each practice or game, list the mistakes you made and ask:
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“What can I learn from this?”
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“How can I work on this in practice to improve?”
When you start treating mistakes as lessons, frustration decreases, and your confidence grows. You’ll begin to view every mistake as part of your growth rather than proof of failure.
The Goal: Manage, Not Eliminate Frustration
It’s normal to feel angry after mistakes. You’re competitive, and you care. The goal isn’t to eliminate frustration completely—it’s to manage it.
Remember: the anger you feel only hurts your next play.
If you want to fix the mistake, the first place to start is with your mental response.
When you manage your frustration, you protect your ability to compete freely and confidently.
Final Thoughts
Loss of composure is often caused by failed expectations and unchecked frustration. But by:
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Using in-the-moment resetting techniques,
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Reframing expectations to focus on controllables, and
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Viewing mistakes as lessons,
you can break the snowball effect and keep performing your best—no matter what happens.
If you’re interested in taking this work deeper, check out my one-on-one coaching program.
I’ve also created two online mental training courses for athletes:
And if you’re more of a reader, check out my books:
Thank you for reading and I wish you the best of success in all that you do.
